I sat down in my parked car observing two ladies who happened to be well accomplished too, I like observing…by the way. One was a mother of six grown up children and the other a bit younger, with four children. They were discussing and the eldest proudly mentioned the number of her children, explaining how the eldest three are in the university and the younger three are still in college, then she happily emphasized that the youngest is a Boy. And the younger lady had this perceptive smile on her face, looking like a sage who has just cracked her Eureka moment…after I watched their pleased expressions, I knew exactly where they were heading to. I wondered … How long will this go will on? Probably many generations to come, it may never stop with us, even with a religious and cultural backing … every child should be celebrated irrespective of the sex , She continued “I understand perfectly while you had so many children, I know you were looking for a boy and we are grateful to God for finally answering your prayers on this “. I looked at the eldest lady and I was expecting nothing short of the response she gave, she was of my mama’s age and I knew there was a little or nothing to do with convincing her on this, because most of them will rather ostracize you on the issue, they would prefer that the females be viewed as a little bit second-rate to males.
Long before I knew the word Feminism existed, it hurt a lot to be told these unkind words. I heard stuff like these ones below but I will rather call it Humanism.
I resisted these statements and I hope that we do not pass it to the next generation of ladies, leaving them with extra battles to fight while breaking the glass ceiling. May they not look down on themselves as the inferior human, may they appreciate their gender as uniquely theirs with its beautiful and challenges.
No matter how little a boy, he is still considered as the human in the house, even if you have a lot of women present, you mustn’t tell the visitor asking if there’s someone at home, that there’s someone at home….even if it is an older woman, yes… this was way too extreme but I was told this. I thought this comparison was unnecessary and it wasn’t relevant, everyone was and is human enough to be considered human.
Marriages can only be honoured by the birth of a boy, once there is no boy to continue with the name, the woman has not started and she is sorely blamed for this , thanks to science, there is a little bit of light thrown in there so it’s not so much of a bother on the woman but from the conversation above, it appears more families are thrown into so much stress even financially, all in the name of finding a boy, it means deep within the heart of some woman ,there is still that craving for society’s acceptance.
A woman should restrain and tame her aspiration so as not to humble a man or offend a man’s ego. Yes, these ill-advised directives are still being dished out on some little ladies. I was once counselled by an elderly lady to calm down with my tall dreams on career for fear that a man may find me too much of a challenge, and I read somewhere that, women should rather avoid that kind of man, the ones that are easily apprehensive by a woman’s success.
I was told that a woman should read a short course so as to marry in time before she becomes too old for a man to marry and so she can also find time to take care of her man before other ladies take over her home. hmm
I was told that a woman should not necessarily choose Love in marriage as she really doesn’t have a say but marry whoever chooses to love her and she will grow to love him with time, she could just endure, with time she will learn to love and appreciate the fact that he is taking care of her needs.
A woman should learn how to cook because a man can be reached after he eats a favourite meal.
A girl should not stand up to a boy if he offends her, this should be stopped for fear that she would grow fighting her husband, and she needs to obey him all her life and this training starts from childhood.
A woman should be conditioned sorely to please a man in every way while he lives his purpose.
A woman who doesn’t have children or doesn’t have a husband is flawed; she is looked at by the society as a victim no matter her career achievement.
And the next generation boys grow up not acknowledging this as the norm, and may most be trained to treat with care rather than taunt the ladies that are unmarried, may they not view marriage as the ultimate reward for womanhood in this life,
I also unlearned this conditioning…that when a man sees a lady fit and marries her, then and only then will she be looked at as beautiful if he doesn’t the lady is far from beautiful.
May the next generation be trained not to assume that every lady’s highest aim in life is to find a man by all cause and marry no matter who he is, this took a lot to their early graves including my colleague. May your beautiful soul rest on in peace!
I ended up a whisperer, I always here this “speak loud naa, I can’t hear you…Are you in your bedroom?” perhaps it was from this conditioning; “Don’t scream, if you scream too loud, ee, I will beat you! Is that how you will be screaming on your future husband?”
The list goes on and why am I sure most ladies have their stories of such? I wish mothers would also prepare their boys for the next task ahead besides telling them “a boy doesn’t cry”, How to treat a lady well in marriage, how to train them into the perfect mates for their wives and everyone out there.
Before you come at me and here for the ladies because I saw two ladies, when I see two gentlemen, I will get back to you the male folks.
And then the elderly lady replied the younger saying “yes, my dear, it wasn’t easy, God finally answered us, and to think that my husband is the only child, the devil is a fat liar”.
Should you find the conditioning things above annoying, who knows, you may have a feminist in you without knowing…as for me I am a Humanist! LOL
Do have a swell time.
The image above was pinned from pinterest.