Some years back, I watched a beautiful couple, all-bright and full of life from the beginning of their marriage and also at the start of the movie titled “The family that preys”. I had mentioned this movie in an earlier post .This self-assured groom reminded me of a proud cockerel, stretching its neck and voice to crow ; probably with the thought that it might actually be the chosen one, selected for the Grande commission of waking up the whole wide world from their night’s slumber.
This Latest groom had a ‘larger than life’ Charisma as he addressed his loaded guests… even in his low-cost outfit he wasn’t intimidated. He had just Potentials to bring to the Table for his beautiful bride, but as the years rolled by, the confident Husband gradually changed into a stuttering, unsure partner. He basically lacked everything linked with the term Self-confidence.
It’s an old movie; you probably must have watched it, if not go watch.
I started thinking of Confidence differently: unlike a constant, K but a variable, x. Confidence is something we can build or tear down. Towards the end of the movie, He could barely speak without rubbing his head, a funny movement here and there, shaky hands and feet from lack of composure.
What happened to this confident man? Where and how did it happen? It was the Constant hearing of his shortcomings and inadequacies. It was quite glaring that his closest partner, wifey, did that well. She took pleasure in reminding him of all that was not cool about him. She washed him down practically with negative comments on a daily basis…and over the years, she rubbed his Weaknesses into his face, stating clearly the things he can never do and who he can never become … how he can never go to Harvard like her wealthy boss.
What do we say to our wives, children, brothers, friends, parents, sisters? Do you think that you may need to censor a bit?
One would actually blame the husband for allowing such negative words to get so hard to him. I am guilty! I did blame him a bit at the beginning, but I also saw how he struggled with his crushed ego.He still tried so hard to see himself as the person he actually was, eventually he broke free.
We tend to hang on to every word flowing out of a loved ones’ mouth; we cling to it and act on it. If we are not careful enough, we will look at the mirror and see exactly who they say we are.
Our inner circles of friends have a huge stake in building our confidence. A close friend may undermine or hype you. If he or she is someone who is not so dear to your heart or close, the demeaning stuff said could be ignored, probably with a shrug and a walk.
Sometimes, Confidence may not necessarily be determined by what they say but by who they simply are. Confidence is contagious; so is the lack of it. Just hanging out with the people who lack confidence may wear yours out like water causing erosion. It may also be built up like a Tower scrapping the blue skies.
Confidence is a strong tool .It is not a product of one’s Networth but Self-worth. We are surrounded by these utterances and actions that wear or erode this built up Intelligence. Sometimes we also utter words capable of tearing down one another’s confidence…could this be a failed effort to feed our already- crushed egos? This is just a thought …Never mind 🤔.
How about building ourselves with strong bricks so that no careless word can hurt…oops! Words that inspire! There’s enough bad out there to weigh us down. Wear your safety jacket before you dive. 😏
- Be kind to you. Do that one thing you’ve been putting off forever.
- Write ten things you love about yourself.
- Celebrate your wins. Take yourself out.
- Write down your strengths and accept your limitations.
- Show others how to treat you.
- Learn how to accept compliments when given.
- Give yourself some dose of positive self-talk. For instance “Challenges are opportunities to grow and improve”.
- Surround yourself with supportive people.
- Accomplish something.
- Stop comparing yourself to others.
- Do the right thing.
- Stay focused on the positive and silence the negative thoughts.
- Take care of your looks.
- Do something great for someone.
Disappointments or failures also have a unique way of hacking down our Oak tree -like confidence, but always remember that Failure is just a place and not a Person. Let’s try as much as possible to walk away from that place of failure without body stains.
We have to make conscious effort to build up the Tear as quickly as possible. Build it up with our very own words and hands…let us check our confidence level from time to time and rebuild the fallen walls.We can do that even with the very bricks thrown on us. These bricks may serve as cornerstones for the process.
And always remember that there’s a thin line between Confidence and Arrogance.Be on the right side,Dear.
We can do this!