I feel embarrassed easily, who else does? Do you laugh it off or dwell on it until it slides into Toxic shame? I was strongly reprimanded over a tiny piece of cake sometime back and I curled into my corner like a millipede for some time. I wished I didn’t throw it in my mouth…all day. A few people understand the world of the highly Sensitive. I choose to throw more light there with my lines.
I didn’t even know there was a term like Agoraphobia-the extreme fear of embarrassment. If this fear is not addressed, it may lead to Toxic shame which makes one hide thoughts and feelings from people when they are with them.
If you have this toxic shame, You may easily pass as quiet, just because you can’t bring yourself to express your feelings for the fear of being embarrassed.
Toxic shame may show up like this;
You may feel like you are deeply flawed or inadequate.
You may not want to share yourself, by censoring your thoughts and observations.
Not feeling free to express your opinions even in small gathering.
You may ask yourself “Why would I want others to hear that?” Every word will be thought-out.
You may think you look awful, so you won’t even dare take pictures and do videos… big teeth preventing people to smile, overweight, underweight, height…all the flaws you can think of. Meanwhile It’s not the flaws triggering you to feel shy; it’s the Toxic shame that’s making you to focus on what you perceive as flaws, this lowers your confidence too.
Toxic shame also controls your opinion by focusing your thoughts on excruciatingly painful and humiliating memories; your brain simply chooses to focus on anything painful.
Sometimes it’s even a tough one keeping a job and sustaining relationships.
It often rears it’s ugly head in the media…Tabloids and People feel good talking crap about celebs .Think about all the people who blather about these celebs. They look at that celeb and feel good gossiping about them, sometimes they are just trying to feel better .most times it’s not about the celeb, it’s about them having their needs met. They feel better knowing these perfect celebs have issues too…just like them.
It is wise to watch it lest healthy feelings of embarrassment turns into unhealthy Toxic-shame .It was a relief stumbling over the fact that highly or easily embarrassed people are more trusting and nice, aye! I said to myself “Finally! Something nice about this awkward feeling I have over the tiniest triggers. Sometimes I put my fingers in my pockets which is often viewed as rude by our African elders .I once did that and had to spend some good time explaining my posture …that “hands on the waist” was just a position chosen by me to put my restless hands…Lol,I digress .When I am embarrassed sometimes, I don’t even know what to do with my body, I learnt the reaction is a soft landing but dwelling on it may lead to toxic shame. I play a lot and I find myself in situations where the other party may not buy my idea of play or jokes or misunderstand it.
We all have sensitive topics that get us easily embarrassed ,for some, it’s money, food, Ignorance, clothing, style….so what ticks you off easily? What do you avoid as much as possible for this awkward reason? You may be missing out of life .It appears some of our politicians don’t bulge, defecting like Boji-boji. There I go again.
Dont be too hard on you ,you may have sweaty hands, racing heart beats and may even hate being you at that moment but spending the rest of your time replaying the moment and wishing it never happened or mentally editing some parts of the show may not be healthy. We should always find a way of giving ourselves breaks. Laugh at yourself sometimes ,dear.😄
I tried looking for ways of dealing with frequent embarrassment and I came up with some tips. They may be of help to someone out there…
• Don’t replay the moment over and over again lest it turns into shame and anxiety, easy to say though but totally doable.
• Don’t dwell, change the Channel.
• Force yourself to not be the center of the universe. Life goes on.
• Don’t apologize, just deal with it.
• It’s a healthy reaction to an awkward moment .
• Give yourself a break and add a little humour in there.
• You are not an alien; I learned it’s a Biological reaction …kind of like a boomerang in a region in the brain.🤔 you should ask your doctor,which side of the brain.😊
Do feel free to drop your lines.