Fake versus real friends

I have a confession! I used to choose my friends because of their good looks, though good manners, was part of it, but the later was way down the list. Sorry, I was that shallow. Was I burnt? Oh yes! I was severely burnt by my relationships due to my bad choices. I forgot my part ,I didn’t  even have these outstanding looks I yearned to see in friends. It took me a while to comprehend that we are defined by how we treat others (not just polished but even the not so polished) and how we treat ourselves. I was hurt several times and I was habitually alone, even on my birthdays, with my beautiful –but- absent friends anywhere but my corner. I was a friend, okay…not a real friend as exposed underneath …now I know. They weren’t feeling the same way towards me; obviously, the friendship was routinely rekindled whenever they needed assistance and usually vanished whenever they weren’t in need of my help. I noticed that my bitterness would increase as I would often sit alone on my special days and help them run around baking and sharing foods on their special days. The real friends weren’t so up on my special people list because I foolishly judged by mere appearances.

One rainy day; I woke up to this rude realization and uprooted the weeds I planted in my soil. I am also working daily on being that real friend that I so needed for the friends around me , sometimes these things work mysteriously, for once you start a new pathway, you notice that these actions most times have a boomerang effect. Those true friends are still rare but they are out there…somehow. And they are also reading here…lol.

We are living in a world where the real friends are like unicorns, they are so scarce, I think at the end of this post, we should be able to start changing ourselves to be those real friends.

If we can’t find that picture-perfect friend, be the friend… let’s improve on ourselves, and upgrade to be that real friend. These habits can be learnt with time. The thing is that most of us grew up not knowing what true friendship or loyalty entails. In some homes, Friendship wasn’t even encouraged, parents usually sent the visiting friends back to their homes asking “Don’t you have chores to help your parents with at your home? Go home and do this and that “.As for others, they may have had it flawless and therefore know what true relationship is all about …but do we stop at these excuses or reasons and continue in our ignorance? No! Let’s improve. Let’s go with the Growth mindset and not the fixed mindset. It’s okay to learn late than never learning.

See below for the obvious signs that may help you decipher who you are pulling into your inner space, if it’s worth the sacrifice. Please be cautious of who you draw closer to you, the person may either make or mar you.

How to recognize Fake friends

*They don’t support your excellent visions or goals. They may even say you can’t do it.

*They put you down all the time

*They don’t stand up for you, Loyalty doesn’t reside there.

*They mock your desire to improve your present situation.

*They don’t man up and express regret when they are in the wrong, a real friend discusses the situation and admits their wrong. They put their personal pride over the bond.

*They ridicule you, even in front of others to make themselves look better in the eyes of someone new.

*They don’t clap when you have an accomplishment…be watchful of these types of people, these may even be haters masquerading as friends. Your very own success will be the cause for their hatred towards you.

*They help with insignificant and ask for something huge, they use others to climb the ladder most times. Taking recognition for what they didn’t do. They take more than they give, some may call these kinds of friends “leeches”. These types are called parasitic relationships.

*Fake friends talk about other people behind their back. They usually do the same when your back is turned. They play both sides; they will not take a fall for you because they are not standing with you in the first place.

*Remember that you are friends because you have similar objectives not similar mindsets .Do not muddle up this social partnership with real friendship. When people change and grow, respect that and let it slide neatly.

*They only have shallow talks…free of vulnerability. It doesn’t go deeper than the superficial; keep your vulnerable challenges to yourself when you are with them lest you become Titles for headlines in their several inner circles. Simply put, don’t uncover your vulnerabilities in front of them.

*They would abandon you behind if something better comes along. They are known for jumping from relationship to relationship without deep roots;

*They leak your secrets; Fake friends don’t value your relationship, as well as your skeletons in the cupboard.

*They tempt you towards bad habits, watch it.

*They ask for help but never offer it; Watch for those who play both sides, they are never the leaders in a group.

*Then this very common one…

* They call only when they need something, there is an unsaid stability in any healthy friendship. You just know when there is imbalance somewhere, you just feel it.

I hope these points above helped. Please we can all be real friends if we try. I won’t mind if we share this. Thank you.

Take care,