Today is another Valentine’s day and I can see fresh flowers ,chocolates and boxes of gifts on tables around my office. I have two fresh books from my Love as gifts too ,I woke up today wondering why these loved ones won’t just give their partners these precious gifts privately🤔 After a short while ,I stopped that thought and enjoyed my day watching happy and anxious people with touches of red.
I was told the Saint Valentine did something significant and he died for love and he is now being remembered all around the world today, February 14th .As for the red clothing that accompanies it,hmm…I don’t know that part though.
I grew up reading Mills and Boons Novels secretly. After sometime ,I lost interest… It was mostly about a perfect Gentlemen with great jaw bones , the right torso size ,wealthy and a “plain” girl who didn’t think the fine gentleman will fall in love with her .The female character was always unsure of herself and would later discover that the handsome and Tall man with grey eyes surprisingly loved her, despite his position, wealth and fineness. She was always the average one just like in ‘50 shades of Grey’. These stories were retold in several ways with different character names and different book titles. We also had the more erotic ones called ‘Temptation’, these still had the “save me, please ,outstanding man!” type of stories. I liked just a novel titled ‘ Pride and Prejudice’. It stuck with me for awhile.
My love stories weren’t so good or Novel-like at the beginning but it was a learning process, I guess the script was in my mind and I was simply the actor trying follow what I had read before, I guess my dependence was too much on the fine ones who caught my fancy to save me from being plain 😩, I waited until I realized I was the one who needed to save myself from my sorry state, I wasn’t waiting for no man to come and show me love like I should anymore, I taught myself how to love me, I took myself out, I pampered myself and bought me gifts after crying a river for a couple of cute guys’ failures .
The babe toughened up, she grew up and knew what she wanted in a relationship, this is the story of most ladies out there, how they overcame the heartbreaks, I guess my challenge was that I believed every word which came out of their fine lips, their lies were worshipped by me on my Altar of love ,okay, let’s not go there today. A lot of ladies got to this realization point and then locked up their love stories…too broken to be cured…
I read something that helped me, it was from C.S Lewis ,there was a good kind of vulnerability and this taught me love. I learnt I will not lose anything by simply showing love, I will obediently do my part (It’s a rule for me by the way) , I guess I learnt how to show love, neatly. With no expectation, whatever poured over the cup was mine and a lot was pouring over and even more cups for me, I learnt how to read in between their lines , their unsaid words and loved them for their struggles, I realized that sometimes even guys had their struggles and they often wear masks for the fear of being hurt, they were playing safe and looking for acceptance from ladies too. Some were there for the games but had their own imaginations of the perfect image of who their life partner would and should look like in their minds. But they would deceive the ladies they didn’t want for the long haul , for as long as they were still searching for that perfect image they had, most times the image had a semblance of what their mother or sisters…either looked like or behaved like. This is mostly while, a man may keep you as his girl for years but as soon as he sees another who matches that image whether she knows nothing…he jumps for her like a prize. Are you the second fiddle? Check, Please.
Everyone is good enough for themselves and they don’t need to overly depend on another for total acceptance and validation. These two things are cool but we all need to reach a point of interdependence were you are still good to go despite their rejection. Life still goes on. This is healthy.
How are you introduced? How are you called in front of others? How are you treated? Does he stand you up most times? Does he take your commitments seriously? What are his values? Does mention you in his future? Is he consistent and predictable? How heavy is his baggage? Can you carry it ? Everyone has by the way. Where is he going with his life? What is his vision in life? Can it fit with yours? The questions abound
The guy should be afraid of losing you, should show some vulnerability by all means, I learnt a lot and I am still learning. It’s easier to observe when you spend time together for a long time before committing , watch out for his reactions to different scenarios ,His jokes, Does he put you down with jokes ? Healthy mutual respect is key.
Do not let anybody keep your happiness in their pocket , in other words, there Is a place for God and there is a place for man, do not interchange, if you try it, you will cry .The arm of flesh shall fail so says the old book.
Most importantly ,love, when you learn to love properly, you will love yourself and love others , love is freeing , it’s not a do- me ,I do -you, kind of thing, throw it out there on the waters. You won’t loose .
The choosing is part of the journey, do no rush into it for age sake, take your time and observe for common values and the rest of the trip won’t be too turbulent.
We are learning daily, sometimes it’s hectic but we need to work at it all day long.