Finding love and commitment is really a big deal for a lot of people who want love and even for a few who don’t admit they need it. I did a research and I was able to put together some explanations why you may be finding it difficult to find love. I hope this effort of mine benefits one out there reading this.

Meanwhile, are you the type who loves staying at home and having a date with your fridge? LOL… Hey Introvert! Never mind, I am just hailing! What of the type who cringes at hang outs but portrays being social on social media…LOL. Hey life of the party! I hail you too… I digress.

I found these explanations below and I am of the opinion that they are beneficial to those who are ready to find love.

  • You are way too dependent –don’t put all that responsibly on someone else, no single person will be able to fill that void, maybe you are way too needy, you don’t need validation to be happy, after the butterflies go away, you will still need your happiness ,just leave it in the middle…interdependent is way cooler.
  • You don’t love yourself enough – healthy self-esteem, realistic image of who you are, confidence is sexy, your relationship with yourself is the longest
  • Low self-esteem-I remember shoving this down a friend’s throat by telling her that she had low self-esteem, when she kept going on and on about the stuff the ex-boyfriend’s family had and not about how bad he treated her, I learnt to blow a little air on hot stuff like that before handing it to others nowadays, for she flared up badly that year! I learnt the hard way. Low self-esteem may show up in us as the tendency to apologize all the time, our conversations may be sprinkled with too many a ‘sorry’ here and there but a lot of us are not willing to admit we have low self –esteem. This will affect your relationships, be honest, acknowledge it and fix it. Most at times it starts in early childhood, and the signs show up as poor social skills, telling too many self-deprecating jokes, buying stuff you don’t need to please people who don’t care or are not even aware you exist and not taking credit for your efforts, getting some one won’t make you happy, it’s an inside job.
  •  Having Unrealistic standards – Are you waiting for a ‘hawt’ Billionaire to come? Check your mirror, people attract who they are, so improve yourself if you are not happy with whom you are? Work on yourself. The reason may be that your standards are way too high, probably you are waiting for Mr. Grey with his jets, planes but not the painful thrashing.
  • Looking for the wrong behaviors –your list may be wrong for you, what are you looking for in your perfect partner? Is it good looks, social status, cool and hot? Responsible should top your list.
  • You don’t work on yourself, what others think of you shouldn’t define you, what are you doing to improve yourself? Get that job and pay your bills, start the fitness Regimen for that ideal shape. Be more social, enlarge your network, get that great career, push yourself outside the cozy duvet of your room .Fun and excitement is outside the comfort zone.
  • Stuck in the past –after the break ups you may not be thinking love, please move forward. Are you secretly hoping that you guys will get back together? Kindly explore and give someone who is worth giving your heart to a chance.
  • You are uneasy about commitment – it’s not just you, yours truly saw it as prison walls .Settling down is scary especially when you think that you may be selling yourself short of better faceless choices ,you may think ‘the perfect one with a whole package’ is still outside there. This may result to delay in sealing it. Ask yourself this …Why don’t you want commitment? Check childhood issues, if it is that deep, then deal with it.
  • You are afraid of intimacy –avoiding meaningful close relationship.
  • Always looking for the next best thing – give people a chance, slow own
  •  You are not actually searching for love, shared love is cool but do you need a partner at the moment. You may not; you need time and energy for love.
  • You don’t prioritize love in your life –could it be long hours of work? Spend time with people, a lot of people claim being too busy, may be they may be covering other insecurities .could this be the reason? Staying late at work and having your days jam-packed with other stuff, it may just be misplaced priorities; saying no to some jobs at the office for some free time may help.
  • You don’t know what to do with your life .by all means set goals and commit to doing them, an aimless life is unattractive .Having goals and the pursuit of them makes you very attractive. Finding a partner in the process may solve a lot of issues for you.
  • Abandonment issue – Do you have the constant fear of being abandoned? Or are you expecting perfection, this fear may make you develop the tendency to please others and anxiety. You will read meanings into innocent acts and drive your potential love away because of anxiety, suspicion and fear.
  • Compromise is crucial- if you are not ready to compromise, then this isn’t for you. Heard of The 80% -20% Rule? You can’t get the perfect person, you are not perfect either. If you have 80% in someone, focus on it and together you will work out your differences. Work on you constantly to improve.
  • Unkempt appearance -Most will love your Intelligence and good qualities, but pay attention to your appearance. Smile and dress well.
  • I picked something meaningful from the TV show , ‘This is us’ while watching last year. An old lady’s biological son asked her why she helplessly loved the adopted son more than him, while they were growing up. The old mother was taken aback by his confrontation…She denied, and denied… and then blurted out, “He was just easier!” OUCH! With the Unsayable Thing said, she sobbed as she added that Randall wasn’t a sullen boy who recoiled when she touched him, and he didn’t abandon her and move away like him …Yea! She said that to her upset grown son, Kelvin” Randall was easier to love”.
    I learnt from her answer that I could make it easier for my loved ones to love me by being less petty, cranky and more appreciative of their kind gestures.
    Please , y’all can make it easier for the people in your lives to love you, don’t be too difficult to love. It’s not cool hugging a Cactus …Let’s learn how to accept love as well as give love.
    Don’t be a Cactus… ✌🏽









Picture of the couple by @lexonart